#SnippetSunday “All of a sudden she was gone.” #Bookish #Romance

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Thanks to everyone stopping by last week and a special thanks to those who left a comment. I really appreciate it.
I’m re-posting a story which I started a many years ago. It’s written in first POV, which has been a challenge to say the least. So, some of you may know the story already, but I’d appreciate constructive critique ☺

Enjoy ♥

But it was Grandma’s diary! I think I was around ten or eleven when grandma died. We flew to Germany for the funeral. It was a big event, and I met a lot of people who introduced themselves as uncles, aunties, cousins, and the likes. I had no idea. Well, I was only little. Or young, even though little as well. So Mum hid this treasure from me all my young life. I’m not ten anymore, as you would’ve guessed. Yes, I have just turned thirty-one. Lost the love of my life, after we had been together for about three and a bit years, but most importantly, I lost my Mum. It took a while longer to accept those news. All of a sudden she was gone. No, it wasn’t cancer. It was her heart. Bang! One day she was happy, complaining I still hadn’t settled down, the next day – gone!

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10 thoughts on “#SnippetSunday “All of a sudden she was gone.” #Bookish #Romance”

  1. It’s an interesting start. I think you could tighten the writing a bit:
    “But it was Grandma’s diary! I think I was around ten or eleven when she died. We flew to Germany for the funeral. It was a big event, and I met a lot of people who introduced themselves as uncles, aunties, cousins, and the like. I was pretty young. So Mum hid this treasure from me.

    But now that I’ve turned thirty-one, things are more complex. I’ve lost the love of my life after being together just over three years, and most importantly, I lost my Mum. Both deaths were hard, but it took a while longer to accept that news. It was her heart. Bang! One day she was happy, complaining I still hadn’t settled down, the next day – gone!”

    First person is hard, especially because we’re prone to put in every little thought. It’s hard not to write it like a conversation with the reader, but it flows better if the writer clears out the verbiage to get to the heart of the story. Good snippet, Iris.

  2. I like how you crammed so many mentions of family into this snippet. No reader could miss that this passage is about the importance of family — which of course heightens the importance of grandma’s diary.

  3. Oof, losing someone is never easy. It really sounds like we’re listening to her ramble her own thoughts out as easily as our minds go down tangents. Maybe it gets a little off topic about the diary to her mum though. (In my opinion, take that or leave it however you wish.) I was hoping to see what she going to do about finding it. Otherwise good snippet! It definitely puts us in her head.

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