FLY WITH ME
This story is still a WIP, so critique away. It’s set partly in Melbourne, Australia, and in New Zealand.
Thanks … and enjoy 🙂
“We need to talk to you. I can assure you you’re not in trouble, but we need your help.” Then he squeezed the card into the small gap of the doorframe. “This is my number. Please call in when you have somebody with you, and we can have a talk.”
She nodded, appreciating him leaving the card in the door and not asking her to open up.
“Will you be okay, Miss Brooks?” Jones asked again.
The simple answer was no, but again, she nodded, hoping for this nightmare to end soon.
Senior Constable Jones and Sergeant Harris left, and Tiffany watched them drive off in their car. Only then did she close the door, leaned against it, and slid down, not able to hold back the flood of tears and the uncontrollable sobs that shook her body.
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Love this line:
The simple answer was no, but again, she nodded,
Thank you, PT 🙂
I’m with PT on the line. Great stuff.
Thanks Aldrea. Much appreciated.
Yep, have been there and done that. Nice way to show instead of tell.
Thanks Anastasia. Always good to hear … not so sure about your experience, though. Hope everhting ended well.
She really needs to talk to somebody.
Yup …. and she will ☺thanks aurora.
Poor girl! Really well done excerpt and I can’t wait to learn more.
Thanks, Veronica …. a d more you you shall get ☺
He’s doing a good job of gaining her trust. I really feel for her.
Thanks Joyce. Glad you liked it.
I hope she’ll talk to him. Seems like he’ll be understanding.
Thanks Karen,. Yes, he’s one of the good guys. ☺
Good writing. Some great lines, and of course I love how you showed her despair.
Thank you heaps, Elaine. Much appreciated
You’ve done a great job of depicting her pain and hopelessness. The police are believable sympathetic, too.
Thank you, Ed. Glad you think so re the police. It’s a fine line, I suppose, to get this right.
I’ve been there. No things aren’t all right, but she needed time to get her head around it. Great snippet, Iris. 🙂
Thank you Siobhan. It’s always good to hear from people who’ve been in the situation. Glad you liked it, and hopefully your experience with the police was less dramatic.
Seriously, I think someone should have stayed with her. Or at least guard the door just in case she needs something a bit later.
Thanks, Linda. We’ll find out more soon.
Wonderful, believable intensity here. Nice job.
Yep, I’m adding in my two cents of love for the “simple answer is no” line. Nicely put. The more I see of this the more intrigued I am to know what happened before that has her so terrified.